This is a reprint from a note on Facebook written by the ever-awesome and ever-salty Mr. David Haberman. I’ve enjoyed him immensely on my news feed for his creative use of common, every day cuss words, for his passion, and for his intelligence. This post is long, but very worth it. ~ Empress Nina

This is going to be way too long for a status message. Eventually it will get to why I’m voting, but first a little bit of history…

For years I didn’t vote, I didn’t care at all about politics. I often get asked by friends I’ve known for years, “why do you suddenly care so much”? ”Why are you posting this shit so much”? ”Why, when you know how we feel about voting and how you used to feel, do you keep showing us stuff”?

I will tell you why. I love my fucking country, and for way too long I thought that it didn’t matter, my one little vote didn’t matter or affect what was going to happen. I also thought racism was almost dead, and that yeah, homophobes were the minority. I thought Republican, Democrat, Independent, Libertarian, etc. were all the same. Maybe there were a few little differences but they didnt really give a shit about this country and its people. I ignored it for years.

And then 2008 elections came; another old white man and a woman this time. Ok, kinda cool, never heard of either one of them but whatever. And what? A Black man running? Whoah really? That is damn cool I guess, but whatever – he will be just like all the rest. The few liberal friends I had were talking about how awesome he is. Meh, whatever. He will just be like the rest. My liberal friends, (who should have said a long long time ago “Hey, you are a Liberal – look how you believe about stuff, though none of them did) were saying he wants to do universal health care for this Country, he wants the rich to pay more in taxes, he actually cares about the people and the Country. I thought oh thats cool, but oh well, whatever.

AND I had the other friends that were convinced he was a Muslim, non-American, Socialist, Communist, etc etc etc. Those idiots said “Hey David, check this out, you get to cuss someone out, cuss this person out for us, you can do it”. Well, I fell for that – hell after all I got to cuss people out. I didnt give a shit then. I still didnt care about politics at all. Mccain, Obama, whatever – same peas in the pod. They were both politicians, they both went to the same schools, and all of them were rich. They are all the same blah blah blah. Then this Tea Party started and at first they called themselves Teabaggers. As a gamer geek I thought that was hilarious. But meh, I dont give a shit.

Then I met a girl on another site. Any of my old friends, you know who I’m talking about. She was kinda cool, she said she had been to a few tea party rallies. Oh yay, someone into politics, whatever I dont give a shit. We met, things worked out, I thought with my small head, I moved to Tucson, ARIZONA, before SB1070. I still wasnt caring about politics at all, but while im living there with that bitch – err, excuse me – my ex girlfriend, I get to hear all about how President Obama is destroying this country from her and her mother who lived next door. BUT it wasnt in those nice of terms.

It was “that N___ is destroying this Country”, “that N___ is taking away our gun rights”, “that N___ is not an American”.

I hate racism, always have, but I was trying to find a damn job, and I wasnt going to rock the boat much. I got to hear that from my ex plus her mom, though her mom did say it more. During this time I’m still friends with the online folks, and I’m still getting to cuss people out, but im getting tired of it. Then December 27th she dumps me and tells me I have until February to find my own place. Then Jan. 8th she tells me I have until the 15th, leaving my one and only option to move back in with my Religious right Fundie Republican parents who I hadnt lived with for almost 8 years. YAY ME.

I moved back home to California, making that drive of defeat. I get into my town driving the roads of defeat that I had driven away from 8 years before. Still not really caring about politics, but paying attention to President Obama more and more because – whoah! – he is actually doing stuff he said he was going to do and wasn’t like Bush Sr. who said “No new taxes” , then raised taxes. I’m here looking for a job, and I get a few interviews, but I’m online a lot.

I’m still friends with a lot of those old friends except for the teabagging ex who had blocked me (good thing the racist bitch did too), I join a few pro President Obama groups, and start learning stuff. I ask my friends who are against him different things, trying to understand. HA! I was told don’t question – he is bad. Hmmm… just like my parents had told me to do years and years before about their religion. I don’t fucking think so. I start looking stuff up online.

I talk to a few of my liberal friends about stuff. Then the day of deletion happens. I join a group, I see on one of my “friends” walls them saying if someone joins a pro Obama group it better be to troll it or else them and her WILL have problems. I tell her “oh I joined it to troll thats all”. Well obviously I was being monitored (lol). I joined another group called The other 98% (yes I still remember which one lol), and suddenly I have a message on my wall from one of those “friends” wanting to know why I had joined this pro Obama group and that I was a traitor and I had stabbed them in the back for changing my ways and cussing me out and other shit.

Then she blocked me, then another one messaged me and blocked me. I wish I had kept them now – oh that pissed me off. Then 10 others had all deleted and blocked me. A few of them argued with me, then deleted me. At first I was just pissed off at them and wanted to tell them off, so I started learning stuff about the President so I could counter them. Cinco De Mayo rolls around and the school tells those kids to take off the shirts or leave. Which pissed off both sides. One of my friends posts something about it, I said how it was stupid and idiotic, one of those teabaggers says to me oh what David you are on our side again now? I said actually no that pissed off both Conservatives and Liberals, because you know we love the country too. She said whatever and blocked me lol.

Then the President gets Health Care passed. That totally shocks, surprises, and whoah that is awesome! He is telling the truth and doing what he said he was going to do. That is when I really started paying attention, joining tons of Liberal, Democrat and other pro-Left groups.

And whoah holy fucking shit, I’m a Liberal, I’ve been a Liberal for YEARS, and I didnt realize it! Holy fuck, I ask a friend of mine who is a Liberal why didnt you ever tell me? He says you have to discover it on your own…um ok.

Then I start looking into stuff, start reading lots of news and googling lots of things, and joining lots of political groups. Which of course shocked my friends who aren’t into politics (lol). I had a few of them delete me too which sucks, but oh well. Others I’m sure just hid me.

And what do I learn? What do I find out about Democrats vs Republicans that I didnt know before? WOW. What did I start finding out about Teabaggers?

The Teabaggers might say they are for lower taxes but that sure as hell is a lie. That was proven by my ex-girlfriend, and every other Teabagger I had talked to. They are nothing but racists, bigots, homophobes, Islamaphobes who want to destroy this Country.

We are not racists some of them like to say. Oh really? They love this Country and don’t want to destroy it, oh really?

Then why have I gotten called N___-lover tons of times, why have they said the White House is named that for a reason, why do they refer to President Obama as that N___?

The more I found out about Democrats the more I liked and identified and wished I had voted for President Obama. I found out that because of Democrats and Unions we got 40 hour work weeks, voting rights, desegregation, civil rights, child labor laws, Social Security, FDA, EPA, birth control and so, so, so much more. None of that did I know or pay attention to before, I didnt care what party had done it, I just figured both did it. HA! Yeah right.

And now? The Republi-can’t teabagging Party of NO (though I didnt think of them that way yet still) were wanting to take all that and more away. President Obama was still trying to improve this Country and its people. I’m liking him more and more and thinking he is an awesome person more and more. Then Easter rolls around and I see how he treats his wife and talks to her and how he is with his kids; showing that he actually cares and loves them. That made me like him more and support him more. Then I join a group named I love it when I wake up in the morning and Barack Obama is President. It has over 16k fans, I join it but dont pay much attention. One day I see a post from the admin saying I need some help because I have too many trolls, and I say sure, I’ll help you. I get made an admin. I start going on posting some stuff, and then one day I go to get on and its gone, and the admin and I aren’t friends anymore.

I message her and she says that someone had hacked her and deleted the group and I could restart it if I wanted to. So I make a new group of the same name. I start posting stuff and learning lots more about politics and what the teabagging Republi-can’t party of Goddamn fucking NO are doing to this Country. When I had just over a 1000 members I notice a woman who joins who is beautiful, we start talking, and now she is my girlfriend, the rest is history (lol), except that she loves Obama and thinks he is awesome, and knows a lot about politics and I have learned tons from her about him in addition to other stuff about politics.

What have I learned over all with this long ass note?

The Democrats actually care about America and the people of America and want to help us and move us forward. Socialism, if done right, is a good thing and will make this Country better. They care about our health, money, and oh so much more. They want to help us.

What have I learned about the Republi-can’t Teabagging Party of fucking NO?

All they want to do is destroy this Country and think we have short memories of what they did for 8 years. They want to repeal Health Care, and have everyone be sick and die and not be able to get health care if you need it. That they dont actually care about other people at all. They want to get rid of Social Security, Federal Minimum wage, EPA, FDA, Dept. of Education, Health care for all, gay rights, Unemployment Insurance, and oh so much more. How the hell will that help this Country? It won’t. All they want to do is destroy this Country and get rid of the first Black man as President that this Country has ever had because they are racist and can’t stand to see a non-White person in the White House. They think they are better then him when they are nothing but pieces of shit on the bottom of my goddamn shoe. I hate everything they stand for. Fuck every goddamn last one of them.

And now the phone rang and I lost my train of thought so I think I shall end this long ass note lol. If you want to know more just ask, if you are not a friend and seeing this and want to add me go ahead I can always use more Liberal, Democrat, Socialist, etc. etc. friends. Now if you are a Republican Teabagging piece of shit bastard racist asshole – yeah, you wont be accepted. You will also probably receive a message from me telling you what I think of you, so don’t bother trying. And for those of you who do not know me, Yep I do cuss a lot, no I wont stop, if you can’t handle cussing, grow a spine.

Feel free to share this everywhere

Have you ever done sports? I haven’t since I had to for school, but I remember it keenly. I remember how easy it is to lose in the last ten feet of the race, or in the last thirty seconds of the game.

That’s where I’m at today. I got a thousand and one options about how I’m going to do this anti-Koch, Obama Administration small business thing, and everything has been going great so far. I’m on the verge of breaking through and being genuinely successful doing something I love, and my anxiety is sky-high.

This is the moment that breaks us, isn’t it? When it looks like all the good things are right at your feet and yours for the plucking. It’s the last few steps, the last free throw, the final yardage. What to do what to do.

For those who’ve known me for a while, I coined a phrase for how I do things. It’s not feet first, it’s ass first. That means that not only do I plunge feetlong into a project, but usually my arms are flailing, my legs are all akimbo, and I look like more of a loon than I take little pills for.

Blogging it out is how I’m dealing this morning with my incredible nervousness about my ass-first fightin’ style. I may be crazy, I may be an idiot even, but I feel like I’m in a wrestling match with the devil and I’m going to take back everything the devil ever stole from me.

It’s not been pretty, and it’s not even been cute. I’ve alienated a few people I both love and like. I’ve had to turn a blind eye to politics (for the most part – stuff that’s just too weird to let slip always seems to find me) to focus on things like finding the right bead or cleaning up photos or abusing Joe (my web admin and that Beautiful Okie) so much he’s got to yell at me.

There’s mistakes and fumbles all over the place. Nothing is connected right across social networks, there ought to be a couple of widgets on my blog or my store or somethin’, and the pictures – whoo boy. I’ve still got plenty plenty plenty to do. I might just fail, too.

I’m going to launch www.houseofnina.com for real today. Ass first got me this far, and even if I miss the free throw, at least I was up in the final quarter.

Love,

Nina

If I tagged you, it’s because I want to thank you for helping me get this far by being you and doing whatever it is you’re doing. If you want to know why better than that, you can message me. Otherwise, don’t worry about it.

Love,

Nina

EMPRESS NOTE: This is my new friend Jennifer Woodruff’s post on her blog Bitter Waters. As long as I can find excellent writers on Facebook who let me post their stuff, I’m gonna do it.  I may be thoroughly awesome in groovy ways, but that don’t mean I ain’t a wee bit lazy. As Dorothy Parker once said, I hate to write, but I love having written.

I made a statement recently that is both monstrous and true: I no longer believe in the future. It’s an awful thing for me to admit, being an optimist and romantic. Well, it sounds awful. The other side, the shiny, crowned head, is the fact I have not lost my faith. I’ve merely refocused it on a belief that resides in tension with one which cleaves to the future. In that tension is a struggle between the immediacy of the moment (thought, erroneously, to be fleeting) and the scintillating glimmer of that distant and uncharted land: the Future. The Future, until now, has always won. One day, we will do many great things, like take the vacation of a lifetime, or learn another language, or perhaps take up some demanding athletic pursuit. One day, we will have our fifteen minutes (but we want to lose ten pounds, first). One day, our consort will arrive, all dressed in fancy hosiery.

But as chaos descends and entropy sets in, the Future is not looking so hospitable to flights of whimsy. It’s just not looking very hospitable to much of anything at all. Oil is spewing left, right and centre, corporations grasp after human rights, in order to control the political processes of the principal continuing democracy in the world, police run riot in Canada, the USA and anywhere else police seem to be found and there are more refugees in the entire world, than in my country. Somewhere on the earth’s increasingly hostile surface, roam a staggering 35 million human souls; more than all the people in Canada. We are not talking about North American homelessness, which is a separate army of disenfranchisement, misery, neglect and public apathy. We are talking about innocent human beings, picking up what little there is left of their lives and walking until they drop to escape the barbarism of the human animal, when it smells money, land, resources (power).

Ugliness roils, like in that dream some time ago, in which the sky opened and a tornado touched the ocean. The water seeped up through the carpet in my third floor apartment, as I looked down at my feet and awoke, forcing my eyes open. The Boschian gremlins caper madly, their faces distorted with malice, around and around, looking drunk with it. They stab the air, bellowing “USA! USA!”, leaping in the air, as their bellies ululate, threateningly. I wish it was so simple as forcing my eyes open in the instance of these most objectionable, leering gremlins. I am not alone.

As the Gulf of Mexico, its people and its eco-systems become the front line in the war that is before us, it’s evident it is not unique. Oil disasters abound. China, the Gulf, Michigan, Nigeria (but only for a decade, as we slept off our Big Mac Attacks). Every day it seems, the fangs of the Captains of Greed become longer; more prominent. They are yellow and foul, dank with excess and obsession. Every day, the people look upon it, transmogrifying from the friendly, suited, middle-aged (and yet, still virile) Mr. Cleaver of Industry, into a Beast with many heads, many fangs and tentacles that both suck and strangle. The Boogie man cometh. He is right out of the closet and there is no more denying that Mr. Cleaver of Industry is not quite as nice as he seems. He is the alien among us. He is the thief, lurking in the garden, waiting to break into our homes (and steal our pension funds). He is the smiling con man, shaking your hand with one of his, while cocking a pistol, behind his back. We now, officially, have the motherfucker’s number.

Right now, this very minute, people all over the world are sitting up a little straighter and cocking their heads to one side. Somewhere, somebody is waking up with a bad, bad hangover. The true face of Mr. Cleaver, sneering from the depths of the Gulf of Mexico, paddling in a river in Michigan, lounging in a cabana in Nigeria (as he counts his money, piling it up in monuments to himself and his pathology) has been seen by those who are not in the habit of looking very closely, if at all. They have recognized, in him, the alien beast of so many horror films. They have seen, with their own eyes, all those evils long written off, that they once passionately knew were real. They have remembered, now. One by one, the lights are coming on, even as they begin to go out.

The interesting days we live in are the dung in which the lotus grows. They’re the stable in which a refugee baby is once born, in Bethlehem. They’re Moses found in the rushes and standing on the mountain top. They’re shattering our most beloved illusions about what the world is and how it works. A shattering apart is a trauma. None of us has really seen the world in anything like the turmoil it is now in. It frightens and it hurts (our children, the lies). We have slept as others have lived this and we have carried on, creating these conditions by our unconscious acceptance of our accustomed privilege. As others, who had little or nothing, were exploited and their countries destroyed by the Captains of Greed, we inflated, obscenely. Our vehicles, commensurately, accommodated our physical abundance. We wanted fries with that and we wanted them served to us while sitting in our large vehicles, tanks brimming with the most addictive of substances on the planet. That world is dying. It crumbles around us and chokes us with its fumes. It eats at us, as we ask ourselves what we were thinking. It’s now our commission to fight the war others have been fighting for far too long, as hope is born in the recognition of the enemy and in solidarity with all peoples of the earth. We now understand we share their fate and lives: The truth, for once.

To begin to truly apprehend the horror of these days and to recognize our complicity (whether expressed and maliciously intended, or not)in arriving at this ignoble station, is to encounter our own shadow. As in the baptismal ceremony, wherein the catechumen descends into the waters of death, to be reborn, ascending; day will follow night, as the lights come on all over the world. Light is one. Light is now. Light is what we are, together. There’s nothing more to fear.

AN EMPRESS NOTE: This is a guest post from my Facebook friend Bryian Revoner

One of the best things about Facebook is the enormity of new people I’ve been afforded the luxury of befriending. I’ve made more friends here on Facebook than I’ve made throughout my entire life, and I thank each and every one of you for that privilege. As I’ve stated before, I can’t recall anything that even remotely mimics the accessibility of Facebook. It’s allowed a person like me from a small town in the middle of nowhere to rub cyber, political elbows with people from large, metropolitan areas and also people from other countries. The power of befriending is definitely a Facebook treasure.

But now, I think it’s time to address the other side of this two-headed coin, because even though I add new friends every day; I also lose friends every day, for whatever reason. You go for an extended period of time without hearing from one of your friends, and then you decide to look them up in your friend’s list, and to your surprise; they are gone–vanished into the vast, online wilderness of the Facebook behemoth. If there is one thing that I don’t like very much about Facebook, it is that specific aspect of the friending process. A person can delete you as a friend, and you’d never know until you stumbled across their absence, either by accident or inadvertently on purpose.

Now normally, I don’t admit to things of this nature, but I am freeing the animals today. I recently, at least I think it was recently, because there is no way to know for certain; found out that I had been deleted as a friend by at least 10 people, and these were individuals who I talked to and posted with on a fairly regular basis. At least, three of these individuals were once considered to be my favorites, and I’m not going to lie—it bothered me! I sat around thinking to myself trying to figure out exactly what I may have done wrong or what I may have failed to do right. I got mad at myself for, in my mind, letting my friends down. On more than one occasion, I strongly considered writing a few of them private messages to beg them to come back. I said to myself: “If I was a better person, then maybe they wouldn’t have deleted me. Maybe I’m too political? Maybe I’m too arrogant? Maybe I’m too overbearing? Maybe I’m too vocal? Maybe I’m not vocal enough? Maybe I’m too liberal? May I’m not liberal enough? Maybe I’m too hard on conservatives and Tea Party? Maybe I appear to be my own biggest fan? Maybe I come across as an uptight know-it-all? Maybe I’m just too me?” Nevertheless, if you have to beg someone to be in life, then you’re already alone; whether you know it or not!

The more friends I was able to corral; the better I felt about myself. To me, if I have lots of friends who appear to like me, it means I must be doing something right, but should I allow that comfort zoned, belief system to become so pivotal to my happiness and self-worth that it becomes the sole dictating factor of my beliefs and my behavior? Should I alter my political views, my personal views, or my views overall just to build a bigger friend’s list, specifically for the purpose of massaging my insecurities? If I have 5,000 friends or if I have 2 friends, how does that add to or subtract from my character? Does 5,000 friends make me more credible, more honest, more righteous, more educated, more political, more honorable, more trustworthy, or more important, or does 2 friends make me any lesser of any of these descriptors? In all honesty, I think the act of padding your Facebook, friend’s list stats is more about your ego’s lust for attention than your character’s willingness to stay humble and true. Your ego is the flashy, attention craver that will do whatever it takes to be popular, but your character is the boring, well-grounded conscience that will attempt to do what’s right over what’s spotlight driven, even when your impulses demand that it do the opposite!

So with that being said, it’s time for me to face the music of my own rhetoric. I once wrote, in a quote that sits on my wall, “I’d rather walk alone with the truth as oppose to leading the crowds with a lie!” Ironically, I also wrote in a quote that also sits on my wall, “A hypocrite is someone who says all of the right things, but does all of the wrong things!” Why should I make declarations that I either can’t or have no intentions of embracing, because if I fail to live up to the first quote, then I’ve also failed to live up to the second one as well? I would become the very lip-service that I lambaste the conservative agenda for adhering to. Whether you’re a Christian, a Muslim, or whatever, if you’re not being true to who you are, then you are not being true to anyone, including your God, your faith, or your soul!

And now, I give you the declaration of Bryian R. I believe in individual freedoms and freedom overall. I like the Democratic Party’s ideology much more than I like the Republican Party’s ideology. I hate social conservatism. I appreciate financially physical conservatism, but I also understand that more talk about it than participate in it—Democrat or Republican! I like Independents and anyone capable of thinking independently. I’m ashamed of organized religion. I think people have massacred and desecrated the true goals and values of religion, and that didn’t start today either! Anybody can buy a pair of Christian/religious shoes, but it takes authenticity to actually get out and walk in them! I support Roe vs. Wade, because I’m not pompous enough to believe that I need to arbitrate womb traffic. I believe that if the government wants to cut massive over-spending, then it has to start with the wars first. I think the federal government, along with other state and local branches, should be there to assist the people if needed, including the poor, who according to the Tea Baggers; don’t pay taxes, or at least not enough. I like President Obama! He’s not a bad guy, and he sure as hell is not a Nazi! I love Hillary Clinton! She’s my favorite candidate of all-time. I’m impressed with some of the views of Massachusetts’ Senator Scott Brown and presidential candidate Ron Paul. I think the War in Iraq was a waste of time and money, and I think the impression of the weapons of mass destruction being confiscated by the Chinese and the Russians is complete bullsh*t!!! I think Sean Hannity is the most biased, Right-Winged cheerleader of all-time, and I think Rush Limbaugh is a racial rabble-rouser looking for higher ratings. I think Sarah and the Palinators are the modern day equivalent of “The Waltons” trying to operate a political Ipod! I think Glenn Beck is political shyster who’s crafty enough to trick a lot of people into his pocket, and I think Fox News is the longest running, political editorial disguised as a journalism/news organization. I haven’t seen an impersonation that good since Rich Little. I’ll never join any socially conservative movement, and I’ll never allow my religion to govern my politics.

This is what I am! If this poses a problem to your ability to be communal with me, then I suggest that you move on, because you’re not going to change me, and I’m not going to waste my time trying to change you, when it should be abundantly clear that only we can change ourselves. The world is full of choices, so grow yourself a set and make one. Regardless of whether you add me as a friend or if you delete me as a friend, do what you want to do because you want to do it, not because Joe the Plumber, Bryian R., or Sarah and the Palinators told you to!

It’s Sunday, and Jesus the Bear is upstairs with a cup of coffee I made playing video games or Lady Gaga YouTubes or something . He could also be watching the pundits on MSNBC, but I ain’t , so it’s highly doubtful.

I am all about denial today. It’s a holiday weekend, and I feel like some YouTubes. Do you feel like some YouTubes? If you do, then boy howdy have I got a channel for you:

You’re totally right about your teacher being Mrs. G. and not Mrs. Griffith. I have a bit of a block on her, frankly. I remember a story she told us about finding her kitten in the dryer – after it had been going for an hour. Debbie was even more inappropriate – the stories about her and her boyfriend in sex ed class.

To be perfectly honest, I don’t remember you. I remember a few people like Silvia and Laura , because they lead the charge in pretty much tormenting me all through elementary school. Your picture only rings a vague bell (I think you were David back then and I may or may not have had a crush on you).

Don’t take it personally – I didn’t have fun in elementary school, and had even more of a mental block on it in young adulthood. I’m cool now though – I’ve been a practicing Buddhist for 15 years, and I know for a fact Karma is real. All I have for the kids who picked on me is compassion today (though I got a bit of schadenfraude for Laura – she more or less became the adult she was destined to become).

I’m friends with Nina P. because we came to know each other in Adulthood. She drew a comic called “Nina’s adventures in S____ C____” that my Mom told me about (I was living elsewhere), we’ve since bonded as adults, but we hated each other as kids.

I genuinely appreciate you contacting me, but if this is some sort of informal alumni association for ______ Elementary (as the comments on the photos suggest), I got a lot going on personally right now (this being the lead-up to the Christmas/Valentine’s Day season) to have my mind blown too much more or take trips down a memory lane that was fairly traumatic and was responsible for a good bit of therapy.

In other words, please don’t let anyone know that you’ve contacted me. The more I think about it, the more people I would dearly love to avoid. While I’m tempted to let everybody know just how much harm they did me, we were kids and it was 35 years ago.

Take care,

Nina

Author’s Note: I, the Grand Empress Nina, have been busy building my empire and just generally on the hustle for the past 10 days, two weeks – something like that. In that time, my server crashed, and I found out that  “24/7 phone support” to my hosting service is actually me leaving a voicemail and some “technician” calling me back like four days later. Joe, that beautiful Okie Bastard, caught the H1N1 and almost died^1_, which sucked for me because he puts up with all my PMS and freakouts and bullshit as he administers this site and Nina’s House of Jewelry. Consequently, in typical Empress Nina fashion, I decided he hated me and wanted nothing to do with me and flipped out all over Jesus the Bear. Jesus, who I asked to marry me last month in a fit of  wanting-him-to-be-nearby-and convenient laziness, does not, in point of fact, put up with my bullshit and told me to just build an Etsy store and let go of it for a while. So I did that, flipped out some more, and eventually realized that I was desperately in love with the guy I just wanted to be around for a while (more later). Some more drama happened that I can’t quite remember now, and apparently the World has turned with my net-tubes presence.

At some point, I called Mom the Very Irish in a major push to dump all my problems on her and get her to fix at least some of them. She rather Irishly informed me that she too, couldn’t deal with my particular brand of bullshit because fuckin’ Traitor Joe the Skeevy Motherfucker had just opened up a giant can of his own brand all over the US Senate Health Care Reform Bill, or S.1796: America’s Healthy Future Act. I had used the pretense of wanting to publish an email she sent directly to Barack Obama in the wake of Traitor Joe’s penis maneuver, because I’m (seriously) colossally lazy and didn’t want to blog or post earrings to Etsy and pretty much wanted to lay around being love and perhaps do some shopping for the Solstice. Mom’s post, however, is anything but blog filler. I’ve done a little light editing and added some links, but the Irish whoop-ass is all hers. Enjoy…:)

I am absolutely appalled and livid with fury tonight at the news that Joe Lieberman has killed health insurance reform. It is especially troubling to me that there are reports stating that your very own office by way of your Chief of Staff has enabled his obstruction by ordering the Majority Leader to cut a deal with him.

I can’t believe that you are once again giving this narcissist a hand in scuttling real reform in this country after Lieberman campaigned for John McCain, championed our illegal and immoral invasion of Iraq, supports unlimited private wars in Pakistan and Afghanistan and after his failure to do his job in providing oversight of the Bush administration as Chair of the Homeland Security Committee in the Senate.

Sen. Lieberman certainly did not have a problem supporting 1 trillion dollars in deficit spending to invade a country whose people had done us no harm all the while killing nearly 1 million of its citizens and over 5,000 American kids. But now he is worried about increasing the deficit to provide health care to all Americans. Give me a break!

As a 62 year old with a pre-existing condition and on my 1st federal extension of unemployment insurance benefits what are the chances I am ever going to be able to pay $1789 a month in health insurance premiums to private insurers? This is so disgusting to me I could just scream, and as far as I can tell you have promoted this result through your unwillingness to lead. This isn’t health care reform, it isn’t health insurance reform — it is just a huge gift to private insurance companies without any restraints on their greed.

I am so ashamed to have believed you were interested in the needs of the working people of this country or that you understood what reforms where sorely needed to save our economy.

Clearly, I was wrong on both counts. It just makes me physically ill right now to be part of this mess.

[Go Mom the Very Irish, Go!]

Love,

Nina

PS: I have my own thoughts and opinions on this whole #HCR mess, but I’m currently not so much angry as I am mystified. Just where exactly is the upside for the Obama Administration in all this? Is Rahm Emannuel indeed a slightly-evil puppet master of some sort? Stay tuned…

¹ That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

This is the first Holiday season in about 5 years that I probably won’t have direct contact with the homeless community in my lil’ town. My dear friend Larry is wintering in a hotel room in Reno with his buddy Ken. Larry’s 50-something and last year had some hellacious MRSA infection, so I fully support his decision (me on the phone: “don’t let the hookers know where you live, Larry…”). This will be the second season I haven’t worked the Holiday party at MHCAN, where I was the World’s fattest elf to Steve’s Santa.

Since I’m a Buddhist and have been for over fifteen years, I’ll plain forget about Christmas unless I’m reminded. This year, it was Carol and the good folks at NAMI Santa Cruz who reminded me. I was on my way to my appointment with Helen (my long-suffering psych med Nurse Practitioner)  when I saw them all in my old office wrapping gifts. I got sad and a little ashamed that I only remembered then that it was Winter and many of my friends were out in the increasing cold.

Last year I had a blog called Ask A Wingnut and there I wrote a post about how to gift the homeless effectively. I also found an awesome project (defunct now, which sucks) that allowed you to directly answer the wishes of specific homeless Vets. Since I can no longer find that website, I’m going to do my best to replicate last years post here.

First, get a shit-ton of socks. The homeless are forced to keep moving for most of day and often much of the night, so they go through lots of socks. In the Winter, they get wet easily, so good long tube socks are a great gift.

A lot of people think underwear is next, but it’s not as big a deal as you might think.  A better idea is to put together some hygiene kits. This is both a fun gift and thoroughly necessary. Kits are expensive for individuals, but a good idea for groups. One person gets razors, another gets travel sizes of deodorant, yet another gets packs of toothbrushes, etc. Then everybody gets together and throws each piece into a one gallon ziploc bag.  You get the air out of the bag, gift wrap it or put it in a small gift bag with a pair of the aforementioned socks and, and boom: a very nice and useful gift. For extra fun and happiness, put a nice chocolate thing and gift card signed by everybody. Here’s a list of what can go in a hygeine kit in order of importance.

• Toothbrush (either a travel brush or a full size brush in it’s own little sandwich baggie)
• Toothpaste (put that in the sandwich baggie as well)
• 1 or 2 Razors
• 1 bar of soap (separate sandwich baggie)
• Deodorant/Antiperspirant
• Sunblock lotion
• Nail Clippers
• Shampoo
• Lotion
• Conditioner

I forget sometimes that people aren’t dialed into where to actually find a lot of homeless people in one place. Here’s a couple ideas:

• Veterans halls with drop-in centers
• Mental Health drop-in centers
• Needle Exchanges (you’re not going to find all smack/meth addicts there by a long shot)
• Homeless Shelters/Church sleep-in programs (ah doy)
• Soup Kitchens

If none of these places feel safe for you, then just go to the main branch of your Library. Don’t worry about typecasting an unkempt/bedraggled person as homeless; the homeless don’t give a rat’s ass about that – they’re usually just over the moon that someone sees them in the first place. Obviously, if you get panhandled a lot, then  keep stuff in your car/backpack/purse and give out as you go along.

If your poor, try going to the local dollar store and getting some handy food. Usually those places have granola bars with nuts in them. This is good all year round. Hand those out instead of money or walking on by and watch someone’s eyes light up.  Folks usually assume that you’re giving them your mid-morning snack, and it thoroughly touches them.

Better yet, give out a granola bar and ask about the person receiving it. If you don’t have good personal boundaries that you can express well, this isn’t a good idea, but for folks who can handle refusing a teensy wheedle or what-have-you will probably get a great story and meet a good person.

I’m a hugger, personally. I have a long-standing tradition of going to the movies on Christmas Day, and last year it was Benjamin Button. I was nic-fitting and went out for a smoke (reluctantly, that was a damn good movie). I found a gaggle of piss-drunk men and had a fine old time wishing them a Merry Christmas (when in Rome…) and a Happy New Year’s and hugging and getting good-naturedly hit on and just shootin’ the shit.

That leads me to a common misunderstanding about the Homelessness. A lot folks assume that if someone is drunk on the streets they’re on the streets because they’re drunks. In reality, it tends to be the exact opposite. Living on the streets is hard, painful, and actually causes a variety of mental illness after a couple of years. The Holidays are an even more stressful time for the Homeless than they are for you (the deathly cold, the extra harassment from the cops, Libraries being closed, etc) , and who among us hasn’t wanted to get seriously fucked up at least a Holiday season or three?

I’ve seen some incredible pain in the eyes of the Homeless during the dreaded season, and I’ve also come to see the value of gifting folks directly rather than donating to some big-ass bureaucracy. I wish upon all readers the joy I’ve felt when I’ve been able to directly turn someone else pain into a few moments of joy.

Love,

Nina

Author’s Note: This post was originally a message to a thinker, writer, tweeter, and all around good person I happen to be Facebook friends with. For those who know me from my previous work at either Ask a Wingnut or CenterLeft, I tend to use writing as a therapy tool, and thus comes the storm on whoever happens to be around at the time and willing to read what I write. For those who might stumble on this page with no knowledge of what led to this site coming to existence, all I can say is welcome, howdy (!) and I’m crap at the fineries of grammar and capitalization. Should you come to like my writing, it’s something you’ll just have to get used to (for now).

The grand boondoggle of this message was that the  person I wrote to had already done all the things I’ve enumerated here – probably long before I ever stumbled on his/her wonderful place to be on the web. If you’re a lefty and like snappy writing, you’ve probably been there. The Writer in question will probably marvel how the whole post got taken down a notch in tone and how some shorthand was replaced with more actual arguments.

You already got a Facebook, but Facebook is a bit jacked right now. Get a LinkedIn account for [Insert Blog Here]

This is  free, easy, and you don’t have to do a thing with it right now. One thing at time.

The Right has been throwing a shit ton of money at the net tubes since pretty much November 5 2008. If we’re going to keep our own fuckin’ turf we’ve got to get organized.

You seem to get me, so I want you to understand something. I’ve got Bipolar Disorder, Social Anxiety Disorder, and (most unfortunately for me at the moment) a real life. I don’t have time to fuck around with folks, though I still do (damn Buddhist compassion jacks me every time).

Get a [Insert Blog Here] YouTube Channel
Create a [Insert Blog Here] twitter account
Grab a Digg account for [Insert Blog Here]

I’ve got to cruise at a steady speed for my own wellness, but I get easily frustrated whenever  I step back or get overwhelmed. In those moments I simply think that the entire left is walking around with frippin’ bullhorns and still are only listening to the shit that’s rammed in their faces. Even then, you gotta (no, seriously) walk them through basic stuff you’ve discovered step by step sometimes.

Don’t believe me? Here’s a true story from this week.  It’s a longish story, but actually it’s pretty short, so I’ll go with the short version because – seriously – I DO NOT have time to play (even though I YouTube with the best of them).  I spent three hours with an activist in my nasty bedroom with the laundry and takeout the other night, and somewhere towards the end I finally convinced her that Jack Booted Thugs weren’t going to knock on her door if she got a Facebook account. What did it is my activist friend who has a profile picture of him posing to the tallest indoor marijuana plant I’ve ever seen.

All that’s if our peoples  are even listening/reading at all, even if the reality is far from a Progressive’s perception,  the internet one big, scary lonely place for a Progressive trying to tell the truth and make a point if they think they’re just spitting into wind.

You’re dealing with intelligent people, but internet stupid people who think they’re smart. The trick to building an empire (hey, watch me – Imma do it by Christmas – believe that) is to cut through the noise and chatter while at the same time reducing it for yourself. You will get absolutely swallowed whole and entire if you don’t.

Don’t trip, but a lot of this email is going to into House of Nina – that’s just how I roll – YOU will not be named (plus I don’t know your name, so there you go). That’s how I roll pretty much all the time, the personal absolutely is motherfuckin’ political.

The above little checklist is MANDATORY for me to help you guys out with whatever you need. Otherwise, I got to just remain your cheerleader and comrade and move on to the next blog I like. Seriously – secure these accounts before someone else does (not me – I don’t play that).

Love,

Nina

I try to be pretty light-hearted when I write these posts. That’s due in part to my nature, and in part because some of the things I discuss can be overwhelming to folks. In the mental health part of Ask A Wingnut, I’ve discussed clinical anxiety, clinical depression, magical thinking as it applies to current events, my own experiences with bipolar disorder, etc., and have done my best to offer some practical suggestions to overcome these various life issues within the ethos of mental health Recovery. I try to be funny because I don’t hardly know any other way to do it. As “they” say, life is too important to be taken seriously sometimes.

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is not a topic I can feel light-hearted about, because I know all to well what the United States, as well as Allied Nations are facing in the coming years/decades with respect to the wildly misguided War in Iraq, as well as US aggression in Afghanistan. Frankly, it overwhelms me sometimes. I feel uniquely unqualified to speak on it, but I know I must. I know too many once-whole people who suffer with this terrible affliction who literally can’t speak on it to not speak out when I have ample opportunity.

I honestly don’t know where to begin, however. I could relate the personal stories that men and women have been brave/desperate enough to share with me over the years, or I could throw down a variety of facts and figures about the impending mental health crisis that’s coming. I could compellingly suggest with a variety of numbers and studies that we’re woefully ill-equipped to handle PTSD in the United States on every level: there’s the lack of money, lack of qualified therapy resources, the slow process of getting groundbreaking research into the field, the awful stigma against men speaking out on their own fragilities, and the persistent stigma against and ignorance about mental illness in general.

I coined the phrase “ass first” to describe how I often do things; Often I jump in unthinkingly and then find out after a while it was the correct thing to do, but between any project’s inception and the eventually outcome, my butt gets burned with a plethora of misunderstandings/misconeptions about what I’m doing and why. I also usually face a very steep learning curve. I want to approach what I write about Post Traumatic Stress Disorder as deliberately as I can, because it’s extremely important to me that I’m understood right out of the gate.

The reason why Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is so difficult to live with and difficult to treat is because it wounds more than mind. It’s really a soul disorder, often caused by man’s basic inhumanity to man. From rape to warfare to the gun at the temple, PTSD is formed when we experience a trauma that challenges our most primal beliefs in God, Spirit, humans, the Worlds and how it works, even ourselves. I’ve heard stories and stories and stories, yet no one ever comes right out and ask the most basic questions out loud because they’re just too painful.

How could my Government, my President, My Commander-in-Chief, put me in this Hell on Earth? How could that person hold me down and do what he did? How could she beat me so, how could she says those things? Am I a really just a cold-blooded Killer? What God would put my home in a Parking Lot? Did a Tsunami destroy cripple my Nation and kill my family because I’m a bad person? How can I walk on ground that can shake at anytime and kill me? What do I reject – my Mother, my Father, my Priest, Religion, my Government, God, Men, Women, Humans, the World, myself?

In a few months I’ll be 42 years old. I’m largely a self-taught person, as I more-or-less rejected formal education for myself a long time ago. Over the years, people have suggested, encouraged, and even begged that I go back to school and get my BA/S, Master, P.H.D., whatever. I’ve resisted for a lot reasons that have changed over time, but now I’m resistant for the simple fact that I’m on the Internet now, and have stumbled (ass-first) onto a soapbox that allows me to share the tremendous education that I’ve recieved directly from other people. I’ve been to college, I’ve sat in classes, and I’ve read books, but nothing can replace the look in people’s eyes, the communication in their embrace, the tears that roll down, etc. It’s not that I don’t value formal education, but so much of it seems to break down real life issues with real life people into abstractions.

This blog can appear to combine a lot of disparate issues into a collosal, semi-coherent mish-mash of topics. Obviously to myself, it all makes perfect sense, but perhaps I should clarify a bit about where I’m coming from. Over my twenty-plus years discussing Politics, Religion, Philosophy, and Mental Health (among other things) with a broad spectrum of people, I’ve come to the conclusion most of the problems we face can be solved by directly examining our own mental health on both a personal and meta level. I look at entire Nations and Cultures from a foundation of mental health awareness and see almost the exact same patterns of behavior that I see in someone afflicted with PTSD or other mental health issues. The conflict between Palestine and Israel is a perfect example of my perspective.

I’ve made the mistake of presuming that folks will either do their own research or know what I’m talking about when I repeatedly mention Recovery in my writings. Within the Global Mental Health Community, the Recovery Model represents a complete paradigm shift from the Social Model or Medical Model. As accompanies all paradigm shifts, there are hundreds or perhaps even thousands of different, learned opinions as to what Recovery looks like in Mental Health. However, of the all the flowcharts and lists I’ve seen, not a single one of them didn’t include hope as a key factor in the journey towards full functioning and wholeness withing any mental health diagnosis.

So where is the hope? How do you find it when it’s all gone within you?

About a year and half ago I participated in a cultural competency training of mental health professionals in this area. A coordinator at the Homeless Person’s Health Project here in town recently reminded me of something I said (this happens a lot because I have the memory of a steel sieve). Apparently I said something to the effect of this: “the primary job of mental health caregivers and providers is to hold the hope for people who have lost it all”. I was actually mashing up something that Paula Communelli often says with my own thoughts (thanks Paula), but it was also borne of my direct experience.

Historically, I’m not prone to feeling suicidal. Up until around 2005, my only experience with suicidal thoughts or actions was a high-drama ingestion of half a bottle of aspirin when I was really mad at my parents at around 8 years of age1. In the Winter of 2005 I was drinking about a liter and a half of wine a day on top of my prescribed Depakote. I had gained 60 pounds in about 6 months and for the the first time was truly suicidal. As I look back on that time, there was no despair or even sadness, only a persitent sort of existential fatigue. I just looked into the future and said “not for me, too much of the same”.

I had a Coordinator3 named Rob V. back then. Like the excellent Coordinator he was and is, when he found out that I felt this way (why hide it?), he arranged to meet with me once a week for an hour, on top of phone calls. Usually we went to the Taco Bell down the street. I don’t remember if he bought me anything or not, I don’t remember what we talked about, and I don’t remember anything he said. Mostly I just remember him looking across the (seriously tacky) table at me with care and concern. We met that way for something like three months. Somewhere around the second month, I began to pull away from my suicidal ideation, dress myself, and occasionally leave the house. Later that year, I quit drinking.